We wanted men to be more sensitive, show their feelings, cry a little, but we weren’t asking for puddles and now we want to know where the real men have gone.
What have we created? Seriously?
In the book Being the Strong Man A Woman
Wants the author, Elliott Katz, explains there are "Today’s men have received so many confusing messages on what a man
should be, they’re bewildered.”
"To avoid accusations of being controlling, many men have gone to the other
extreme and avoid showing leadership and making decisions. The irony is
that while men think they’re being sensitive and non-controlling, the biggest
complaint I hear from women is that men today don’t show leadership, they
don’t make decisions and they won’t take responsibility,'" says Katz,
whose book Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man
is being translated into 18 languages in Asia, Europe and Latin America.
A recent study by Washington-based Pew Research Center reported that in 43 per cent of couples,
women make more decisions in the four areas surveyed: planning weekend
activities, household finances, major home purchases and TV watching.
Show leadership
One of women’s biggest complaints is that men don’t show their share of
leadership in the relationship. When a man sees a situation that needs to be
dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who
step forward to handle difficult situations – and don’t wait for others to
solve the problem.
Make decisions
To avoid accusations of being controlling, a lot of men have gone to the
other extreme – they leave most decisions to their wives. A man needs to
make his share of decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. To many
women, a man who avoids decisions is shirking his responsibilities. One of
the meanings of the word "manly" is being decisive.
Take responsibility
Take responsibility for improving the situation. Don’t blame others. There
is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman – even when he thinks she
pushed him into it. People will say, "You’re the man. Why did you let it go
on?" One of the meanings of the word "husband" is someone who skillfully
manages his household. Managers take responsibility.
"Divorced women have said that if their husbands had understood these
crucial truths, their marriages would not have disintegrated," Katz says.
He
also shares tips for women on encouraging men to take the lead:
Let him decide
If he asks you to make a decision, such as choosing a restaurant, simply
say: "You decide." Then don't say anything else.
“Would you please handle it”
Ask him to take charge of handling a problem, but don’t tell him what to
do. If he asks, say: “You decide. If you’re not sure, do research. That’s
what I do.” Avoid contradicting him unless what he wants to do is damaging.
Encourage him
Tell him he made a good decision and how you appreciate when he takes
charge and handles a problem. If he made a mistake, tell him what you learned
from it
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