How to Get Men to Be Real Men

We wanted men to be more sensitive, show their feelings, cry a little, but we weren’t asking for puddles and now we want to know where the real men have gone.

What have we created?  Seriously?

In the book Being the Strong Man A Woman 
Wants the author, Elliott Katz, explains there are "Today’s men have received so many confusing messages on what a man 
should be, they’re bewildered.”

"To avoid accusations of being controlling, many men have gone to the other 
extreme and avoid showing leadership and making decisions. The irony is 
that while men think they’re being sensitive and non-controlling, the biggest 
complaint I hear from women is that men today don’t show leadership, they 
don’t make decisions and they won’t take responsibility,'" says Katz, 
whose book Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man 
is being translated into 18 languages in Asia, Europe and Latin America.

A recent study by Washington-based Pew Research Center reported that in 43 per cent of couples, 
women make more decisions in the four areas surveyed: planning weekend 
activities, household finances, major home purchases and TV watching.

Show leadership

One of women’s biggest complaints is that men don’t show their share of 
leadership in the relationship. When a man sees a situation that needs to be 
dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who 
step forward to handle difficult situations – and don’t wait for others to 
solve the problem.

Make decisions

To avoid accusations of being controlling, a lot of men have gone to the 
other extreme – they leave most decisions to their wives. A man needs to 
make his share of decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. To many 
women, a man who avoids decisions is shirking his responsibilities. One of 
the meanings of the word "manly" is being decisive.

Take responsibility

Take responsibility for improving the situation. Don’t blame others. There 
is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman – even when he thinks she 
pushed him into it. People will say, "You’re the man. Why did you let it go 
on?" One of the meanings of the word "husband" is someone who skillfully 
manages his household. Managers take responsibility.

"Divorced women have said that if their husbands had understood these 
crucial truths, their marriages would not have disintegrated," Katz says.

He 
also shares tips for women on encouraging men to take the lead:

Let him decide

If he asks you to make a decision, such as choosing a restaurant, simply 
say: "You decide." Then don't say anything else. 

“Would you please handle it” 
Ask him to take charge of handling a problem, but don’t tell him what to 
do. If he asks, say: “You decide. If you’re not sure, do research. That’s 
what I do.” Avoid contradicting him unless what he wants to do is damaging.

Encourage him

Tell him he made a good decision and how you appreciate when he takes 
charge and handles a problem. If he made a mistake, tell him what you learned 
from it